First Post!

Hello,

I have been considering doing a Police Blog for a long while now, but until recently the system did not bemuse or anger me as much as it seemed to have done with other people. I have been reading David Copperfield, Inspector Gadget and Ellie Bloggs and they have provided me with a lot of inspiration and opened my eyes into the world of the Police shortly before I decided to get stuck in myself.

Let me tell you more about me, I have chosen the title ‘Dysfunctionalcop’ as I have been diagnosed as having a ‘learning disability’ which in short means that I may lack in certain learning and social skills, but what I have learnt from all of this, is that I make up for this by excelling myself in other areas. I’m a young male officer, looking to do the best job that I can on behalf of the people who call on my help or pay my wages with their taxes. I do not always get it right, sometimes I get it completely wrong or totally miss the point of what a colleague is trying to tell me, which often result in a good laugh after my colleagues have finished banging their heads on the desk with frustration.

I work as part of a team of five officers and a Sergeant, these are not their real names, but will hopefully appear throughout this blog in the future.

• PC JOHN SHEPHERD (JOHN) – A stocky 40 something male officer with years of experience which have left him cynical and worn down but he also make light of this with his wicked/twisted sense of humour, insatiable desire for young women and his willingness to back up another officer in any situation.
• PC LUCY KITCHENER (LUCY) – A young female officer only a year or two older than myself, she has been in the job a number of years and has ample experience of how often things can and will go wrong (especially when the cause is another officer). She is always on hand to provide good advice to a newbie like me, but appears to be loosing the will to live due to Neighbourhood Policing and the lack of common sense.
• PC ROBERT GOLDSMITH (ROB) – Another new officer on the patch, he was on a course at Eastfordshire HQ a few weeks behind mine, but he has spent most of his service in the rurals by himself and this has left him with a strong reserve. He has to be the most unlikely looking officer you could come across (appearances can be deceiving) and he has the most positive outlook of any officer I have ever met.
• PS TIM BROWN (TIM) – TIM is the leader of our mismatch of a team, we have only been working together for a few months and the jury is out as to whether he is a good sergeant or not.There is some anonymity between him and LUCY and JOHN as they were used to working the area by themselves without the interference of a sergeant (well at least a sergeant who did not seem to intervene at all) TIM has good days and bad days. Sometimes he will muck in with the rest of us and get stuck in and other times he comes up with hair brain suggestions, which seem to be lacking of any reality or proportionality (usually due to having his arse verbally kicked by the command team during morning briefing)… On a more positive note working with Tim is like working with Jack Dee or Jimmy Carr, he has a very dry and satirical sense of humor and is always at hand when I have cocked up!

We are responsible for Policing a rural section of Eastfordshire which has a population of approximately 40,000 and covers approximately 100 square miles. If i said resources are thin, I would be making a gross overstatement… on a good day we are all in and available to respond to any incidents that are happening at the time or have been reported over the past few days. Due to courses, annual leave and illness recently it has only been myself and another officer to cover the entire area, even then we have been asked to assist with other areas due to their lack of resources!

I also work with a number of PCSO’s along my beat and they often outnumber us three or fourfold! Most of them do a good job and are willing to assist as much as they can, but I feel that they are a quick fix to a problem on a much larger scale.

This is madness? No this is Public Satisfaction! (If only they knew)